8 Petua Mudah Menangani Marah

ANDA selalu marah-marah? Sentiasa gagal untuk mengawal emosi? Dunia ini memang sebuah lapangan buat menguji semua hamba berstatus manusia. Tabah atau pun tidak seorang makhluk itu, bergantung kepada sejauh mana hebatnya mereka mengawal emosi dan perasaan.

Mengapa mahu marah-marah? Anggap sahaja setiap yang berlaku itu sebuah gurauan. Mainan hidup yang sekadar singgah, datang dan kemudian berlalu pergi. Mudah bukan?

IKUTI 8 petua daripada Gretchen Rubin untuk mengawal kemarahan.

1. DON’T GIVE IN TO MY ANGER.

MANY people believe in the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves their feelings. Not so. Studies show that expressing anger only aggravates it. I’ve certainly found this to be true; once I get going, I can whip myself into a fury. It’s better to stay calm.

2. LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON MY ANGER.

I TEND to get irritated with the Big Man at night, probably because I’m tired. Now I force myself to wait until the next day to berate him about this or that. And the next morning, my anger is completely gone.

3. ACCEPT BLAME.

I HATE being in the wrong, and often snap back when people find fault with something I’ve done. Now I really try to pause to ask myself, “Am I in the wrong?” and to respond with gentleness.

4. ASK: “AM I IMPROVING THE SITUATION?”

THIS works especially well with the Big Girl. If I get angry with her, she has a complete melt-down. It’s unpleasant, but her reactions have sure helped me get better control of myself. Now, when I have the urge to snap, I think, “Is this going to help the situation?” And the answer is always NO.

5. FIND “AN AREA OF REFUGE.”

I LIFTED this phrase from a sign near an elevator at Yale Law School – it struck me as funny. Research shows that when people’s thoughts are unoccupied, brooding sets in. So I try to “find an area of refuge” in my mind; that is, to dwell on serene thoughts instead of brooding and fussing. Along the same lines…

6. DISTRACT MYSELF.

INDULGING in “overthinking”- dwelling on trifling slights, unpleasant encounters, and sadness – leads to bad feelings. I can enrage myself by obsessing on some petty annoyance. In what the Big Man calls the “downward spiral,” I begin to rail about every negative episode in recent memory. Now I deliberately distract my thoughts, usually by thinking about some writing question.

7. ASK: AM I MAD AT MYSELF?

MARTHA Beck makes the interesting argument that we brood on other people’s faults when we subconsciously identify with them; what we condemn in other people is what we condemn in ourselves. So now when someone is making me angry, I ask myself, “Can I accuse myself of the same fault?” In a telling bit of psychology, I’ve noticed Beck’s observation to be very true for other people, but not so much for myself! Do I suspect a bit of self-denial might be going on…?

8. LAUGH.

HUMOR is the answer to everything (humor and exercise). Now when I absolutely can’t hold back my anger, I at least try to insert a joke, or make fun of myself, or assume a lighter tone as I rant on. So instead of sniping out a comment like “Can you please just answer my emails so I can deal with these horrible logistics issues?!” I might say something like,

“I’m thinking of getting a homing pigeon that will fly to your office and rap on your window with its beak until you send me an answer.”

The added advantage of this approach is that no matter how the other person responds, I feel less angry and more light-hearted when I adopt a lighter tone.

MANUSIA memang selalu berasa sukar untuk mengelakkan daripada sifat marah, benci dan berduka. Yalah, sudah namanya pun manusia. Lemah dan terlalu mudah untuk mengikut hawa emosi yang menyesatkan, melalaikan dan menggiring kepada permusuhan.

Allah itu Wujud. Tidak pernah dan tidak akan disangkal lagi. Alam indah ini sentiasa diberikan olehNya untuk kita sebagai makhluk menghayati dan menikmati segala kecantikannya.

Maka itu, jadikanlah segala di sekeliling kita sebagai aset, sebagai sumber untuk kita terus berasa gembira, tenang dan ceria menempuh apa jua cabaran di masa mendatang.

Salam bahagia buat anda semua!